Éternelle douleur
by Cake-Addict
Summary: Lyon sighed wearily.'The things I do for you, kouhai...' He then continued carding his hand through Gray's soft raven locks. Warning: Boy x Boy!
1. Cut me hollow

_**Time is a valuable thing**_

_**Watch it fly as the pendulum swings**_

_**Watch it count down 'till the end of the day**_

_**Tryin' to hold on**_

_**Didn't even know, I wasted it all**_

_**Just to watch you go**_

_**I kept everything inside**_

_**And even though I tried**_

_**It all fell apart**_

_**-Linkin Park**_

* * *

He knows. He knows himself better than others knows all his flaws, imperfections, mistakes, weakness. He has more flaws than any of them.

He also knows that if, God forbid, somebody had to sacrifice their happiness, wishes, dreams and even life, it would be him. Why? It's because he is unworthy of living his life. It always had been him. There were two major incidences which proved that his life was indeed worthless.

_First_, when he had tried to avenge his parents' death by going after Deliora. He had stormed out of Ur's Cabin on one snowy night, vowing to defeat Deliora. He also reprimanded Ur by saying that if he died, it would be her fault for not teaching him stronger magic. It was his selfishness after all. Ur and Lyon had followed him to where he stood, terrified as he saw Deliora decimating another village. Holding the shaking boy close to her, she tried to comfort him. She then turned towards the demon, her Ice Creation Magic growing more pronounced with each step she took. She readied herself, both feet joining to form a V-shaped curve, her right arm over her left as she took her stance.

**"ICED SHELL!"** she bellowed. He stood rooted to the spot in fear, as he watched her slowly start to turn to ice. More and more of her body turned to ice as she scattered away to form an impenetrable ice shield around the demon.

"I will seal away your darkness." She softly muttered to him as the last piece of her body broke and turned to ice.

_Second_, he didn't even see that one coming. It all happened in mere seconds. He pushed Juvia out of the way of danger, not even having time to defend himself, as more and more holes burned through his arms, his chest, and there was no doubt that it had hit the heart also. It was too much close to have missed. There was so much blood, so much that the air was coppery with the scent of it. Even he resisted puking up his guts at the sight of it. As he fell, one last shot went through his head. He glanced at the shocked and terrified faces of Lyon, Sherry & Juvia.

Juvia's face was most priceless. Her eyes were wide as saucers, tears pooling out of them like a fountain. Her hands covered her eyes, as if they would shield her from the horror she had just witnessed. As he welcomingly embraced his death, he heard her shout his name. It was scream full of terror, anguish & pain mixed together. He smiled a real smile as his heartbeats began to slow, body turning numb. He saw blackness encroach his vision and everything was peacefully silent. Then he knew no more.

* * *

Ultear who'd seen the death of her little brother, was devastated. She had then resolved to using Time Ark, deciding her life was not worth. She pleaded the time she lived be returned to her brother. To her horror, it was only a minute. But, she was quite at peace. She would get to meet her mother. "Thank you for showing me how to live, little brother."

* * *

He sighed, things had changed now. Everyone he held dear had either formed couples or they completely changed their team-mates. Natsu was with Lucy and vice-versa. Erza had one again fallen hard for Jellal. Jellal, this time, was genuinely in love wih Erza. He promised, if Jellal made her cry again, he would personally escort him to hell and see him burn and be tortured in Tartarus. Levy had, strangely, fallen in love with Gajeel, much to the dismay of Jet and Droy. They moved on, but always promised to be there for Levy whenever she needed them. Juvia, who once was his biggest fan, had settled happily with Lyon. Only problem?

He was left out. Natsu was now paired exclusively only with Lucy, Happy and sometimes, Wendy would accompany them. Erza had not objected at all. After all, she was more than capable of taking care of herself. And now, with Jellal by her side, she had no need for anything else.

* * *

He, who was the second veteran of this third generation, was discarded by the ones closest to him, as if he was garbage. He had known he was Lisanna's substitute, from the start. After all, Lisanna was Natsu's first best friend and she had always cherished the moments she and Natsu spent together, unlike him. The feeling of being left behind and their betrayal had hurt him. It hurt like hell. But still, he shouldered all the pain and put on a false façade of nonchalance. He was more at peace than before.

_LIAR_, his mind yelled, but he ignored it. Tuning out his thoughts, he scanned the request board, hoping he would find a suitable job to take his mind away from all things. There! He found a suitable job enough. _'ICE MAGE NEEDED'_ it stated. Curious now, he read the description.

'Venue is Harijion town, come ASAP. All other details will be revealed once we recieve news of acceptance.'

He was just about to mark it rubbish, that he saw the reward it gave.

_80,000 J plus two Golden keys._

How could he turn it away? It was so tempting. Plus Lucy's big day was coming up, he had to give her something. Those two Golden Keys will be perfect for her. Hmm, why not I go and check it out? Yup, that sounds like a good idea.

Plucking the request, he turned to Mira. "Hey Mira, I'll be taking this one."

"Good luck Gray, and be careful."

'She doesn't care for your wellbeing. You are lucky they haven't thrown you out of the guild yet. You are nothing but useless, weak & pathetic!' His fists were clenched tightly in the pockets of his cargo pants.

His shoulders trembled, his upper lip quivered but other than that, he was quiet. Suddenly, his back was ramrod straight and his face displayed no emotion. Nodding stiffly, he headed for the guild doors. He unknowingly quickened his pace, not wanting to be confronted by anyone else, not even by Lucy, for that matter.

Stepping out, he breathed in the warm afternoon air. The air had a sweet fragnance of burning firewood with the freshness of the rain that ocurred this morning. It relaxed him. Soothed his frazzled nerves. Heading for the park, that he, somehow knew was still present from their childhood.

Gray sighed, he still remembered the time he and Natsu would spend together, away from the watchful eyes of the guild members. It was perfect, they would vent their frustations, their problems and share their secrets to each other. They would fight everyday over the smallest and stupid things. They would make up that very evening or the next day. Their bond seemed to speak louder than their words or actions. Life was good. Or so Gray thought.

Suddenly, something fell on his hand. It felt wet. 'Huh, when did I start crying?' He wondered. More and more started to fall, fuly wetting his hands. He looked up and saw that it was raining, again. The rain agrees with me, he thought. It is reflecting how exactly I feel. Eyes now roamed everywhere, watching as people ran to take shelter from the rain, for now it started raining hard and strong gusts of wind started to blow. He dropped his head, not bothering to prevent himself from getting wet.


	2. Tell me to Stop

**AN: I'm back with a new chapter! Anyone know how to publish a Blue Exorcist fanfiction? I tried to, but it wouldn't allow me to. I really really want to publish a Blue Exorcist fanfiction. Please help!**

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* * *

Warning! Mentions of cutting in this chapter.

* * *

He heard some sounds floating in the air around him. As the words seemed to sound more clearer than before, he could make what make out what they were saying.

"Hey, do you see the one on the bench? Heard he's a sore loser." A male voice said.

"Oh, really?! What happened?" A voice, more high pitched than the one before asked. Must be a female, he thought.

"Heard that he, Ice boy, got his ass beat by some random dude from Raven Tail. Random guy just used one finger and kicked him out of the game. What a shame. I feel sorry for the Fairy Tail. How embarrasssed they must be! Why don't they kick him out of the guild? He's good for nothing!" Anger and disguist was clearly heard in his voice.

"Shush! There must be a good reason why that hasn't happened yet. Meanwhile, did you hear about that other ice mage from Lamia Scale? What's his name, umm, Lyon Vastia was it?"

"What about him?"

"Heard he and this one", she pointed a bony finger at Gray, and continued. "studied from the same teacher, Ur & also that Lyon always excelled in Ice magic. You know, Lyon uses ony one hand to make. "

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's a first, that much proves how weak he is."

Gray couldn't, he really couldn't handle it anymore. He stood up and ran all the way to his house. As soon as he reached, he closed the door loudly, and stripping himself, tossed away the wet jacket. Locking the door, he raced up to his room, and locked it.

Opening a nearby drawer, he rummaged through it for some time, but he eventually found what he was looking for. Beneath some neatly folded clothes lay the blade, staring at him innoncently.

Pulling it out, he rolled back the sleeves of his shirt. The earlier cuts were still present. He shook his head to get rid of some unpleasant memories and thoughts. When that failed, he held the blade close to his wrist and slashed it, leaving a red mark as the blood welled up. He repeated the process again and again, until it began to stung. Blood ran down in rivulets, creating a puddle on the floor.

Cursing loudly, he sat up, only to fall to the floor in a crumpled heap. Supporting himself with his trembling arms, he managed to get up. Staggering into the bathroom, he turned on the shower and stepped under it, enjoying the feeling of cold water on his back. It relaxed his tense muscles.

Sighing, he began to wash himself. He scrubbed himself thouroughly, cleaning every trace of blood that was present. He scrubbed himself raw. His blood, that had ran down his arms, turned the water red.

The eyes, that once held so much life, now appeared dull, lifeless.

Stepping out, he turned off the shower. Dabbing himself dry with a towel, he opened the upper cabinet and pulled out some gauze. He then proceeded to wrap the gauze around his arm. When that was done, he leaned back heavily against the wall of the bathroom.

After some time had elapsed, he then walked out and with the help of a wet mop, cleaned the floor that was wet with his blood. He made sure no trace was left.

Putting on some dry and clean clothes(hopefully), he turned his gaze to the window. It was still raining heavily.

Falling back into the bed, he closed his eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**AN: Mission will start next chapter. Until then!**

**Ja'ne!**


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